First Father's Day without my Father
Whew, this is a tough one. I've experienced Mother's Day without my mom and now I'm facing Father's Day without my Dad. It's tough losing your parents because no one, NO ONE will ever love you like a parent loves you. Of course there's the love you share with your spouse, siblings and friends. But when it comes to that unconditional, "you can always run back home", love...that is a special love between parents and children.
I've been struggling as I try to navigate what my new world looks like. I have SO many incredible memories. I also have many painful memories. Times when I didn't treat my dad with honor and truth. Those are the memories that snuck up on me when I was by his bedside during his last few days. I was overwhelmed with feelings of letting him down and disappointing him. Even through my disobedience, his love was constant.
These thoughts led me to an emotional conversation with him. I told him what an amazing Dad he was despite not having a dad to teach him how. (his dad left them when my dad was 2) I told him, although I know he knew, that I was ashamed of the times I wasn't always the best daughter. That I had so many regrets of how I took and took and he gave and gave. I finally asked him, "dad...will you please forgive me for the times I was a terrible child?" There was no space between my question and his answer. "ABSOLUTELY" he said emphatically. That meant more to me than a thousand birthday presents.
With him gone now, I have been finding so much comfort in that conversation and in the songs we play here at JOY99. The one that has been ringing the loudest for me is the new one by Passion. When I first heard it, I thought it was talking about our financial needs when it said "the Lord will provide". The more I listen to it, the more I know better. He's not just the provider of our money and our "things". When He says He'll provide, He will provide SO much more than the things of this world. He will provide strength, He will provide hope and grace. He will be a Father to the Fatherless, like me. Seek Him and He will provide. ~Brooke